Wow! From the sobs we've been hearing it appears as though we've hurt the feelings of some of our party's youff. Look, it's not all your fault that you are the bloodless shits that you are. As George Carlin reminds us, you came from American parents, American schools, and American universities. You have no idea about what a conservative is. You believe Ronald Reagan is a myth and Bill Buckley a bedtime story. You need toughening, so allow us to be your drill instructor. Think of this as the reinstitution of the draft.
And remember, there is hope, you might get cooler as you get older. At age 40 you'll be able to date all those cool 25-year-olds you missed out on.